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ARE you an obnoxious center class prick eager to be superior to your mates? Then take these to their picnic:
Correct deck chairs
Whereas everybody else slums it on blankets on the bottom, you’ve introduced old style deck chairs that take ages to place up, permitting you to make a giant music and dance about how splendidly classic they’re. They’re additionally f**king uncomfortable, however you aren’t going to say that.
A hamper
Your folks have turned up with clingfilmed sandwiches, crisps and a pack of Tesco miniature scotch eggs. This provides you an ideal alternative to lord it over them by swanning up with a large picnic basket filled with treats from Waitrose that you just’ve simply blown £60 on. You solely use the silly wicker factor annually, so that you’re going to exploit it for all it’s price.
A wine cooler
‘Simply because it’s a picnic, we don’t must be uncivilised,’ you say loftily as you unpack a wine cooler and proceed to fill it with ice out of your cool field. After ten minutes within the solar you’re left with a tin bucket filled with heat water and useless wasps, however as least you bought that particular second of feeling like a smug prick as you slid your bottle of sauvignon blanc into it earlier.
Champagne flutes
You’ve severely misjudged the vibe of this picnic and imagined some sort of royal backyard occasion. As an alternative, your mates had been mainly inviting you to have some cans of low cost continental lager within the native park. Console your self that the majority passers-by received’t be capable to inform that it’s heat Stella you’re sipping in your pretentious flutes.
Actual cutlery and plates
Nearly all of individuals on the picnic are utilizing it as an excuse to get pissed through the day in a park, and the addition of meals permits them to really feel like they aren’t borderline alcoholics. They’ll make do with a burnt sausage on a serviette when you’re fannying round with knives, forks and china, and so they received’t have a load of stuff to cart residence and wash up afterwards.
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