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DOING alright? Purchased an infinite tv? Preserve feeling like everyone seems to be judging you for it? They’re. And for these items:
Massive American fridge-freezer
It has the capability of a Tardis and looms over your kitchen as when you have been on The O.C. You may’t fill that. Even when you have been a household of 4 present solely on prepared meals you couldn’t fill that f**ker. You solely acquired it to point out off. No person wants an computerized ice-maker in a rustic the place it’s sizzling six days a yr.
TV over 65-inches
It is sensible: all you do is sit in your arse watching telly so you might as nicely make investments. It doesn’t take up any room, simply hangs above the hearth, you’ve even coated up the wire. It’s only a disgrace it makes you appear to be a Premier League footballer who went straight from council property to superstardom with out ever having heard of tradition.
Automated gates/storage
Why is that this bizarre? You’ve acquired gates on the drive, it’s a ache within the arse getting out and opening them, it’s no extra extravagant than a TV distant. Or so that you’ll bluster, as your passenger watches them glide open and wonders simply who within the f**okay you suppose you might be.
Jungle gymnasium with treehouse
A trampoline’s not adequate in your fancy children, oh no. They require a facility equal to the play space of a whole neighbourhood. It towers over your backyard like a Territorial Military coaching facility, the wooden’s inexperienced with disuse, and it makes the neighbours mutter that them children are spoilt.
Dressing room
All you’ve executed is constructed wardrobes within the field bed room, with admittedly recessed lighting, so why are visitors giving one another side-eye whenever you open the door? And laughing? And saying, ‘Proper, I’ve not seen the later sequence, I didn’t realise you have been now one of many Kardashians?’ Perhaps since you put on the identical stained hoodie every single day.
A big nook suite
Leather-based, seats eight, dominates the room prefer it’s the remark lounge on a f**king starship. Makes visitors really feel like they’re ready for the others to reach earlier than we begin. Your eyes have been larger than your pokey new-build stomach whenever you purchased it, weren’t they? Everybody sneers and says ‘did you see the scale of that bastard?’ after they promptly depart to drive dwelling.
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